What it Means to Have Experienced Emotional Neglect in Childhood

If you read the title to this blog and felt a little twist in your stomach, I want you to know that I see you. Maybe you grew up in a home where everything seemed “fine” on the outside, but everything did not feel fine on the inside. Maybe your parents provided a nice home and met all of your physical, tangible needs, but there was never any safe space created for your feelings to be seen, held, and acknowledged.

If you resonate with the above, I want you to also know that you can hold two truths at the same time: that you love and are grateful to your parents AND you recognize the ways in which they fell short.

In this blog, we’ll explore what it means to have experienced emotional neglect in childhood, and the lasting impact it can have on your life as an adult. 

Understanding Emotional Neglect 

Emotional neglect can easily go unnoticed because it’s often subtle and silent nature. Unlike physical or verbal abuse, emotional neglect is about what doesn't happen rather than what does.

Emotional neglect occurs when parents or caregivers are physically present, but emotionally absent. They might not engage in meaningful conversations, show affection, or provide comfort when the child needs it. As a result, the child's emotions go unacknowledged and unvalidated, leading to confusion and a sense of isolation.

Emotional neglect can manifest in many ways. Some common signs of emotional neglectful parenting include:

Lack of Emotional Attunement

Parents fail to recognize, validate, or respond to their child's emotional cues. The child's feelings, whether positive or negative, go unnoticed or unaddressed.

Dismissive or Unresponsiveness

Parents may be physically present, but emotionally distant. They may not engage in conversations, provide comfort, or offer affection when needed.

Absence of Emotional Support

Children growing up in an emotionally neglectful environment often lack emotional support, empathy, or guidance in times of distress or achievement.

Ignored Feelings

A parent might dismiss or minimize a child's feelings and emotions, telling them to "toughen up" or "stop being so sensitive."

Overly Critical or Demanding

Setting unrealistic or excessive expectations for a child's behavior or performance, leading to a constant feeling of not measuring up.

The Impact of Emotional Childhood Neglect

In many situations, caregivers don’t realize they are neglecting their child’s emotional needs. However, childhood emotional neglect can have significant and lasting impacts on a person's emotional well-being.

Emotional neglect in childhood can lead to: 

Emotional Struggles

Children who experience emotional neglect often find it challenging to identify, express, and manage their emotions. This can lead to difficulties connecting with others and forming healthy relationships, along with experiencing increased levels of anxiety and depression.

Low Self-Esteem

The absence of emotional support and validation can result in low self-esteem and self-worth issues. Individuals may doubt their own value and constantly seek validation from external sources.

Difficulty With Boundaries

Emotional neglect can make it hard for individuals to establish and maintain healthy emotional boundaries. They may become overly accommodating or struggle to assert themselves in relationships.

Relationship problems

Adults who experienced emotional neglect in childhood may have difficulty forming and maintaining intimate relationships. They may fear vulnerability and have trouble trusting others.

Healing from Emotional Neglect

If you find that you have difficulty forming intimate, vulnerable relationships with others, it might be time to find a therapist that you connect with to work through experiences of emotional neglect. It is SO possible to find greater ease and comfort in identifying and expressing your feelings to others in a way that feels safe & secure.

Contact Me for a Free 15-Minute Consultation

If you’re interested in learning more about emotional neglect and the impact it can have on your adult life, schedule a 15-minute call with me to talk through it!